yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
