I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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