he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize