I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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