I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live