so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.