My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.