think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”