You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text