dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
