just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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