you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
