Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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