The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
