i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
