have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
