I just cut my nipple shaving
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
