When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
