i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
