Pappa wants mamma naked
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
