he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
