i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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