sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
