it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
