dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
