What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
