just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Text me some of your sweat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
