man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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