Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
