Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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