Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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