Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
