my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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