so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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