he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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