Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
