I think my vagina is haunted
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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