I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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