We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I could make wine with my vomit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
