i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We have started to decorate penises.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
