have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
