mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
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sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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