i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
