when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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