What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
