All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
