I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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