my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
