he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
