It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
