We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
