At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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