Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
