i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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