I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As shirtless as possible
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
