He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
