I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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