she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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