yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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