now i know why i became what i already was.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
