I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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