Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize