like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
