Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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